Different Skies
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The Olde GrammarFred Stidston

There is only ever one thing. And there it is, the thing.

Then there are two things. One thing and the other thing.

Then there are a few more. One in between the other thing

and the thing.

Then there are many, and they all start to counteract each other,

(and support each other from underneath).

The world is the thing which is upside down to me.

YOu can increase the thing, or decrease the thing, (or incur the opposite, it’s the same thing).

Or you can change the thing.

Or you can make the other thing bigger. Or you can make the thing longer and pick its parts (invalid).

Or you can change to a new thing. Grow the thing. Pick it apart. Add it to the other things. Add its parts (invalid).


People are far reaches of the thing

The thing is the mindspace

Objects are in the middle

Self is far

Death is near

I will die now if I don't do some thing

Every thing is good

The far reaches of the thing can bring you nearer into the heart

Reaches in to the wholes in peoples’ eyes and noses and bodies


Then you still have a thing. So you do all the same 'thing' things. And end up with a new thing.

Questionable - feels like progress but amounts to the same thing. Not progress so much as lateral

# Ego is the only thing that sustains me in society # Not participation but recognition *Desperate # Slut Puppet. Take hold

There is no thing - the world is everything it is a dimensionless exterior. Any thing in it is not it, it is in it. It is a web of links between some of its parts. There is no why there are no questions or answers in general. So there is no 'world' only everything now. I have no need to be here, no purpose or wants. If there is no world then there is nothing I want, I am here in the everything with no need to be here. I do not want. There is no world. A thing is a transient thing if there is any necessity for it at all.




If you do not do you do not exist

If you do you exist

All you have is doings

To do is to exist

You have nothing but to push yourself

To push your self to exist

Take yourself as far as it will go

Your existence is the quantity
The whole
The nothing
To exist it to take it into the everything
To carve it into a
To grow it into a dimensional space
For the sake of it

For there is nothing else to do

but do.



Some of the most motivated people are the ones with the worst ideas,

because growing ideas takes time away from doing them

Doing comes to those who are good at it

Thinking comes to those who do not do

Thinking is not doing

To think is to not do

Do is the only thing

Thinking is a nothing - a non-thing

Its negative impression, the inverse of the thing




THE EVERYTHING IS THE THING. The thing that you sense. Everything is exterior, Thoughts are near, actions are far, people are farthest.

I grew a feeling for later

It made me want this new thing after the now

Forward of this moment I wanted to begin doing a new thing I haven't done before

I want to be at the football match in the future

I am going to go to a football match on wednesday

I’m going to a have a good feeling later

I am having a feeling about a good future

I future-d a feeling about goodness

I let down my present self in order to be here with you

I want to be somewhere else

And I am here with you

I want you to give me something for later

I want you to grow in my feeling

I want your heart

* And I want to give you my heart

* I will open my heart to let you see my flame

* For later

I want to colour it green.

The focus - the lie.

I the nothing.

want - colour - green

give - nature - time

take - type - aspect

Love - part of myself

Love myself

There is nothing external to myself Just nothingness, everything is inside of me

I am a whole

I'm like a satellite dish, with a laser beam. In the middle. Zoomed out that far to free myself from your mind. Incredible depth in a tiny point and fuzzy awareness of the whole thing. "That's a remarkably good description of you Fred." "What does that mean?" "Of awareness. OF – " She gestures - "The whole thing".

Richard Black -

I like the snake of the waving lines on the page

And he draws a line with his finger down the middle of the desk

I've stopped remembering no that's why I remember these things.

"Reminds me of earlier time when some did this or 'he was a pedophile'"

"What does that mean Fred. 'Someone who fiddles with children'

The different levels confuse you that's why they let you down

because when you move between . them …  you …… do … n't

remember where you are, which one you in".    .   …       .         .   . .  …………….. . [Henry was playing out in the garden for a little while]……………..

"Who knows what's going to happen to them

They're going to learn to get good at the computer that's what.

– What? That's what I said. DEAL WITH IT [the Hippies’ Mantra]



That's a good one Fred, You're better at that than I am / we are

These are all the experiences I wanted to use. I have collected them at different times.

To piece myself together.


Mum       It's generally for you Fred

Henry       Why

Mum to henry       Because he's the one that doesn't know what's going on."

- " does anyone know how good these things are? - "what?"


They arch over your feelings like a cathedral, intelligence"

* I did it with my best gravitas

= What I said to myself inside my head when I did my impression of a monk turning sideways. I was having fun outside /  by myself again / or with all my friends, as I thought, because they'd only left 5 minutes ago. -

Fred in the car said to Caroline, "[As Amy] "Mum said that. [Amy:"Mum

Angry finger wave playing in my head [playing in Amy's head] ]You shouldn't do it".

It was a good one because I always say it like that.

- Where did you hear that

Henry           That's like communism. He gets it because of his need because he doesn't get that [gestures]

What did you say

no what did you say


Or he thought you were angry with him

that’s why he did it

he just misunderstood the concept

He still had some grasp of what it was.

You saved it all for later Fred.

So you could be alone with it

I am the thing that fear can hear

Everyone knows what their secret is: you have to learn to be like many people, not just one.

Fred’s reading loads of books, he's reading them in like 3 weeks

Oh that's great then, wonderful

That's a sure sign he wasn't getting enough stimulation

I’d read three pages of it.



There she was, there were children playing with dollies and she was one of them. Showing them how she does it - How she dresses him and makes him wait - I think he's most beautiful when he's like that. What?, "Just "waiting"".

And then he cut his hand with a key.

My main problem is that I'm insane

As time passes I learn to forget that I once thought I was insane.

And the progression feels like



He's insane. Thats what he doesn't know

And there's no reason why he should know it. He's 5 years old.




Amy's Room

What does the equals sign mean? And then I lay on the bed.

Amy : "Fred, There's no way you should [Fred sees : *Hazy mum (That's the resolution of the memory:

Doctor with green glasses,

"Why are you doing it like asking

Because you can't remember

That's my point that's how to know whether I've grown.

Car park lock in the rain

Falling down the memory well

Remembering how I am. Growing up -

Means exhibiting the skills that I knew I had

Even though I didn't need to do it

Can't use the word 'because' next, because that implies a cause which is something I don't believe in." And that only just fit on one line, In the science corridor at Edinburgh house,  And I knew that memory would be on the top, then someone leans to distract me


which is what people do to me to get my attention

that’s how I know I'm real

In the diary room

Waiting for the headmaster

-        / - - Their voices, like p

That's not his office as he doesn't actually work there

Mum: because he has his office at home mostly

Mum: I presume.

And I did it.

He was there.

He watched me pull my pants down

And examine my own ass

Because he told me too

Fred I didn't know you'd do that

You did it because     AS0DJ AS9JD 0A9SJ D0A9SJ D0AS9DJ A0J9J EC0Q39 H[Q83H4 9Q8X34 XH[Q9834HX Q3[84G X9Q3[7G4X9Q[374GX 3G4 QXAO3GX3XA343BVX39[RXAB3[XAR3X GGA3XRG ARX39[8 A3R9[XGA3R[9 8AG3R[VY[RXG{A(GARG A(£{XBGR X(A£G )R£ARH)****£))))))))) he told you to.

But he didn't tell me to.

I was just making appoint about authority

and how I felt about it.

I’m going to remember all this as a challenge to myself

To show people how intelligent I am.

That's not nice to people to do that.

To try and tell them how intelligent you are.

That means .. it's like you're arrogant. [ Mum in the kitchen ] *When you read it comes backwards into your brain and in that sense is like memory. When you read it it’s like bytes coming in which you have to reorder and explain. With listening * or hearing /" That's not going to be very readable if it's like this /" it's more like you listen to long chunks at a time and then afterward 'It's just because it's afterward that I feel like what I’m saying is true or not [ Cut to A]*[Resume from A]  That asterisk shows that you're with the consciousness That means I think consciousness is a large number of people.

The one thing that he gets that most people doesn't

don't you meant don't

you said doesn't

that's weird how we remember that.

My Dad was lonely

because he talks about this shit too.

And so was my mother

but I already knew that because we were both doing it together.

I told people I knew where my cock is even though I didn't

I lied about my own

\ personality shift

He lied about his own cock

I shifted personality to







That would last to THIS.


The final one.

" agree what they're saying is true to see if you agree with it or want to use it.

/ -  which is something I knew I'd remember

- because I have nothing else to do.

[ A cuts to here ]

- * Break

OH NO "I shouldn't want it"

When you read you can select one or two or multiple words up into your consciousness

// That's more interesting if you remember it because then you



STart wrapping it up.

When you know you have to complete it .|.  and you're bored . And your mind know it has to complete it.

∆ And then I remembered who \ how \ I remembered I didn't know who I was for a whole year \ Years 5 and 8 I didn't have an identity \ I was at school having fun with friends - FRENCH LESSON or being by myself and I stopped counting the number of levels • - [Back to Cut A] ) to remember. You watch yourself doing the thing.

At Bryanston

And you can't go back after you've typed it.

That keeps it simpler for him then.

Angry finger wave* ] be able to read like that."

Fred sees:  * Mum: Angry finger wave * You shouldn't do it like that"

Scowls at Amy

That's why you need to DO things. because you only keep that

Fred : "Me" ? Oh I didn't mean to do it like that.

I just saw my self as a different person and I don't like it.


And I'm going have to get through this alone.

To get into it and break it all down and figure it out later.

Mother "That's what boys do you should do it like that."

Oh and I saw my mother like another person too.

What’s happening now is more interesting than what's happening in the past - I'm out living it that's what's happening.

The way I distort time is weird.


On a new line.






I said I read the last one in like two minutes! I said

That wasn't true but I'd said I'd done it to the extent

that I now believed it. I then spent the next 3 years

reading Isaac Asimov books just so I

didn't feel like I'd lied.

Are you getting all this down

She knows what I'm doing

We’re going to be all alone. Like this.

She gestured, in the car.

I was all alone

"Someone stole a cookie from the top shelf."

I was spinning around in the room all alone. And no one saw me do it. And I was the one that climbed it. Spinning was a fear response to laughing at the one who did it.

I could tell them if I did it to show if I was really there, who I was. The one who did it.

But I decided I wouldn't

You can tell every

one can

hear itself choosing it.