Welcome to the monster function ball,

 

Left past New Pimlico on the Lea,

 

In our 21st century rat-house

 

(For one year’s London budget paid fully).

A merry land of delight and doughy eyes

In Europe’s latest hemisphere,

Thrust up to public skies.

 

 

Tonight – the gilded flesh is reverse falling!

 

As gowned dolphins – and the Mastercard masque –

Redoubt in nature’s, nocturnal unfolding.

 

Pre-digital delicacies recast our superior prime

 

And swing replete, above

 

De-salvaged thresholds,

Where gonged worthies creak and shine.

 

 

Aye, it took some time to get here

Past the r’established outlands.

Because London’s legacy’s a gas!

The 100 metre finish line:

 

Forever in our hearts

For angels.

 

So hydrophobic now, this broken Britain.

 

 

Still there? I’ll take you by the hand between the stalls:

Here’s our London mayor,

 

So brave he defeated Jason for the fleece.

 

There’s Irvine Sellar

The man who built the Shard,

 

Singing: ‘shardfox homage’

He’s such a card.

 

 

To the right, Lady Brooks resurrected against Medusa,

 

Monsieur Breivik’s reprogrammed mime

And a fresh faced Blair40,000 (thought to be asinine).

London refound its feet, alright,

As the world’s wealthy forsook walking

And everyday since we’ve been getting stronger.

 

 

Homo sapiens, we’re nearly there yet!

Only 20 per cent in prison.

 

Yes, total law enforcement proved a tad destructive

So last summer we armisticed the dyslexics –

 

 

Hence the creative underclass...

Don’t you love the smell of plus fair justice?

 

 

It’s Forty years back to the race

 

When nails grew sparking

 

For the gun’s blast

And shop worn trivialities turned holy

Between the Volkswagened Sabbath chat

Of London’s mortgaged class.

 

 

Visitors, are you happy?

We’ve learned so much from you

 

And each day refashioned ourselves less human,

Barring our sacred, infernal

 

Murderous flaw

 

To be one day reunited as cosmic flotsam.

 

Sport! Now I must rejoin the night

Leaving life in your hands more light.

 

Thanks, that’s very kind.

You’re welcome

 

But for me:

‘I don’t pay for water’